Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize