i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
