I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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