worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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