he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
