I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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