I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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