I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
farters have to be the big spoon...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
