There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
