i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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