so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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