Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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