I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
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