Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
