My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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