my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
