hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
