If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
