I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
