In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
