How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
