I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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