I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
