Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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