just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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