Ambien. No doubt about it.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
