There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
