Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
