Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You left your underwear on the fireplace
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize