Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
