I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
