What did we do last night that was yellow?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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