Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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