im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Did I show you my penis last night?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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