and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
