The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
honey bunches of taint.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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