Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
