honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
