Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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