Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
