If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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