Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
