where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
