we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
two words...techno handjob
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
