What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
