im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
