I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
