Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
