I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize