I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
