I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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