The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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