i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
