there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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