You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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