I think I died a long time ago.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
