So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
