He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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