Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
