Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I CAN MOONWALK!
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
