It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
