he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize