I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
These tits shall not be calmed
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
