Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
