She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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