you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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