Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
