Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
