if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
