I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
