was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Four minutes until I can fart!
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
