Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
