i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
