There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
