I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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